Friday, April 21, 2006

I've had better ideas

This morning I didn't really have time for a real breakfast, but we grabbed a Tim Horton's coffee on the way home from bringing DD to school. DH was hungry for a donut, hence the side trip. So at about 9am, I was feeling peckish. And there was a Cadbury's cream egg sitting on my desk minding it's own business. I don't even LIKE them - the middle part is too sweet and way too goopy to eat at the computer. But there it was, foil glinting at me invitingly. So that was my breakfast. And it went down real fine with that strong Tim's coffee (medium, double cream single sugar please!). But now it is later and I am not feeling so wonderful about the idea. My stomach is sore, and I am getting that jittery over-sugared-and-caffeinated feeling. Why, oh why, do I never learn? I can't even eat pancakes with syrup for breakfast, what made me think I could eat a Cadbury's Cream Egg and get away with it??? And shouldn't somebody have WARNED me not to eat it? After all, I can't be expected to be responsible for MYSELF. Sometimes I amaze myself at the bad decisions I can make. Like the time I decided to shove a bag of binders into the top of the closet. I am not actually tall enough to put ANYTHING on the shelf at the top of the closet. I think the contractor might have thought giants were going to live here and planned accordingly. But for some reason, I believe I am taller than I really am and insist on making poor attempts at putting things up there. And get genuinely surprised when the items fall back and hit me on the way down, because there was no way in heck they were going to actually get up onto the shelf since there is no way I can reach it. But here I was, hoisting a plastic grocery bag of 3-ring binders up there, only to have them fall back one by one and hit me. The first hit me in the face, right along the bridge of the nose. The corner of the second got me right on the top of the head, and the last hit my shoulder and dug a groove in it. Note that as I was being pummelled by binders it did not occur to me to MOVE OUT OF THE WAY. Or the summer I bought the million pound bag of black niger seed and set out six feeders for the finches. Oh sure, we loved watching the little things hang off the feeders and frolick in the yard. But when our grass totally turned to picker bushes (which are THISTLE PLANTS) I realized it was not the best decision in the world. Not to mention the pounds of bird poop plastered everywhere. In my infinite wisdom, we got rid of the finch feeders and put out regular feeders instead - which I filled with song bird mix. Song bird mix should be re-labelled as "weed seeds with a few sunflower shells thrown in for colour". Birds came from miles around to throw every seed out of the feeder and get the one sunflower seed in there. I am not sure if they were song birds because I never heard them sing, but they were bigger than finches. Bigger birds = bigger poop and more of it. The thistle plants gave over to a mixture of weeds never seen before on this continent and we had to shovel a path through the poo to get to the door. But it wasn't until we watched a forty pound rat pull a feeder down and rummage through it to get the lone sunflower seed in there, that we decided it was time to give up bird feeding. When we first re-landscaped the yard, we wanted to put lots of pretty flowering things in. We had a beautiful white wooden arbour and scoured the nurseries for something good to grow on it. We were wary of roses because of the thorns and clematis are finicky about our climate here. Ah, sweet pea vines! The flowers are lovely and we found a variety that has three different colours on the same plant. The "beans" would add visual interest when the blooms fade, the pot tag said. It also mentioned that they are self climbers that did not need tying, they would cover an arbour or trellis on their own with no help. Perfect! Perfectly diabolical, that is. It is true, the flowers were lovely. But the yards and yards of vines absolutely refused to grow UP along the supports even when teased out of the tangle and tied up. They generate these thread-thin tendrils supposedly to grab on and climb, but it seemed it would rather use them to strangulate expensive bushes and pull themselves along the lawn. The decorative beans dry and burst open to fling seeds far and wide. The spiral husks are very interesting, but their formation is a result of the plant trying to take over the free world. EVERY SINGLE BEAN sprouts and turns into a whole new strangulating plant that creeps along the ground, smothering and strangling every single thing in it's way. We pulled. We chopped. We burned. We even round-upped (and it really pained me to do that). Boiling vinegar, salt water, nothing even phased these things. Let one single flower bloom and you were done like a dinner. They have a very distinctive triangular cross section, and when we see one of them sprout up somewhere it instills a shudder before we yank that sucker out! It was a poor decision not to research more before planting them. It has been about 8 years since we chopped those sinister vines out of the ground. And still, the invasion lives on: See those sprouts of green in the mulch? SWEET PEA VINES. Now let me say, that this isn't even in the same part of the yard where they were originally planted. Is it the result of a poor planting decision, or is it some cosmic joke that the karma gods are playing on us? Are the neighbours sneaking over in the middle of the night and planting sweet-pea beans, then watching behind closed doors and laughing their arses off? Is it some strange revenge they are meting on us for the dandilions in the lawn and the ugly tree in the front yard? We may never know. But if you will pardon me, I have to go weep and yank out some plants.


Anonymous said...

I mostly lurk over at the KT,but i've always looked for your threads. I check out this blog everyday. You always have something interesting to say. There is so much of it that I can relate to.

DancesInGarden said...

Thank you for the kind words! Why not de-lurk? We only bite sometimes ;).

latibug said...

You have been tagged...see my blog for details.


MaggieOHIO said...

I too lurk and post sparingly at KT. Been there forever!

This blog is so well written. I wish you were syndicated!

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