Thursday, April 27, 2006
Can we discuss a dumb dream? I will take the resounding silence from the laptop speakers as a yes ;). The details don't really matter, but in a dream I had last night somebody put their arm around me. It was a strong arm. I felt warm and protected and HELD. And when I woke up this morning I wanted to cry because that arm was gone. In general I don't like to be touched. I get claustrophobic and panicky and my "stranger" alarm goes off. This happens even when DH tries to hug me. I "endure" it, stiff and uncomfortable and wanting to run away. I don't get that feeling with DD unless she has been super clingy. And when she has a day like that, after she goes to bed, I can't even stand the dog being on my lap for a while. I don't know WHY I want to run when my own husband touches my arm. I mean, I know he isn't going to hurt me or anything but I just would rather he NOT. My family knows this about me and LOVES to annoy me by hugging and kissing me - especially the older of my sisters. It is her favourite game. Especially if I look 'miserable' LOL. There are a few occasions where I have been able to spontaneously give hugs and not feel like "running like the wind" to get away from it. Like the KT get-togethers. Those people just feel like family. BETTER than family actually. Closer than family - I feel like we have been a part of each others thoughts. Most of my physical awkwardness is reserved for adult humans. Animals are immune and rarely make my "stranger alarm" go off. Usually with children I am not as defensive and don't have my walls up. It amazes me, to watch them. They can meet another child and be best friends within minutes. They laugh with abandon, cry without reserve, and speak their mind to each other without fear of reproach. Kids are so REAL. Sometimes TOO real, and you know what I mean if you read at the KT and saw the post I made not long ago about DD and her SHARING. No clues. Follow the link to the KT and check a few pages back for it. If you don't already know about the KT, you NEED to know - bwa ha ha ha! So, already feeling a little blue, it was not the best time for me to get the final estimate for fixing my car door. I was really hoping this last place was gonna be able to do some fancy miracle, and practically for free. Too bad for me, 'cause there won't be any miracle and they cost just as much as the other places. They will throw in new floor mats for free, but I'm not sure that should be a deciding factor. Plus, it will take TWO DAYS. I will be without a car for two days. DH says I can drive his car and he will use his fathers van, which is just sitting there anyway. *whine whine* I don't WANT to drive his car *whine whine*. I know, it is silly, but that is how I feel. I can't do anything until the girl who hits me calls me back with her decision anyway. Now, isn't all that enough? Don't I have enough to deal with? Cars and dreams and deadlines and family stress and work stress? Apparently the forces that guide the universe think NOT because they threw one more stick on the blaze. ANTS. The little black ones (we call them sidewalk ants) that come in every year to discover the pet food dish. It's not a big deal, really. Especially now that Ruby is eating home cooked food and I am not using her regular dish for now. When they come in (happens every year in the spring when the ground starts to warm up) I put out the ant traps and sprinkle that fossil dust. I put it where they come in and along the path they take back and forth to whatever they find interesting. Check each day to see if they have changed their doorway or path and sprinkle the dust there. The dust won't hurt the animals or the people in this house, and it always works - after a couple of days we don't see anymore ants. Sometimes after a big rain they will come in again, especially if there is food for them to find. Once I watched them walk all the way around the kitchen (along the outer edge) to find the lone cheerio under the corner cabinet. Sweeping them up just scatters them and lets them know there is more kitchen to explore, so now I let them go about their business through the dust. I don't know that the "traps" do anything. Personally I think they are too small to go in there, I have never seen any carrying that bait out again. But it's either that, or DH will insist on spraying and I don't want that. I am such a sucker. I wonder if the ants have little symbols sprayed on our house that says we are an easy mark, like the hobos used to do? I don't have a picture today, but I promise some good ones tomorrow. 'Kay?