Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Touch it again and I will stab you with my fork

I don't like people touching my food. Being a mother I have gotten used to SHARING what is on my plate, from my very own fork even. But still, I don't like people touching or taking food from my plate. I don't know why, that is just the way I am. There is a relative that does this constantly. I am reminded of a scene in "Hellen Keller" where the untrained child goes around grabbing food from each plate, and her teacher insists there is no reason for her to live like an animal! She teaches her in one session to eat with a fork out of her OWN plate, and fold her napkin when she was done. I am not sure I have that kind of resolve, but I do find myself trying to sit as far away from this person as I can. She thinks nothing of poking her finger into somebody's ice cream sundae to taste it. Or pulling part of your burger filling out and eating it. Or stabbing an item on your plate with her fork from across the table. Drives me BATTY. At a luncheon over the week-end she was seated across from me (fatal error, I stopped to help DD with her coat and that was the seat that was left). And despite ordering the exact same thing I did, she reached over and stabbed items off my plate no less then FOUR TIMES. I don't think she was doing it specifically to bother me (I wasn't the only victim) but for heavens sake! The last time she reached over, I blocked her and said "Do it again, and I will stab you with my fork". She was shocked and speechless for a bit, then started laughing and apologized. And her husband said "Now you know why I am sitting over here where she can't reach". I know that I have habits that must bother people. I have food issues that make me kind of finicky (not that I am a picky eater, no no no. Just have food issues). If something is "soiled" in my eyes no amount of scrubbing or soaking in bleach would make it clean enough so said items are tossed into the trash. This includes containers left to mold in the fridge or backseats of cars, dishes that were washed in the bathtub, toys that fell into the toilet, cutlery in a restaurant that is placed on the bare table rather than a napkin. Okay, those don't get thrown out but I need new silverware. Yes, I know they touch worse before I even see them but I would like to SLEEP at night every once in a while so I don't think about that. I am loud. I talk. A lot. And maddeningly enough, I am at the same time too quiet. Figure THAT one out. I would rather read than watch tv but I won't read if I know I will be interrupted at all (except for magazines). I can knit and watch tv at the same time, but if I am counting-as in counting stitches for the pattern - SHUT UP. If I keep counting over and over again getting louder and louder and you keep talking then I STOP counting suddenly and stare at you...RUN. I am a thrower. When something frustrates, angers, or upsets me I fling it across the room or out the door or out the window. My neighbours barely even flinch anymore to see this happen, not even when the offending object is a vacuum cleaner and it is still plugged in. I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve. DH said to our therapist that I expect him to read my mind, and he can't tell how I am feeling unless I tell him outright. This man, a virtual stranger, leaned forward in his chair and looked my husband in the eye and said "Are you KIDDING me? Are we talking about the same person?". I sing in public even though my singing is very bad and very loud. I could go on and on and on (and usually do ;). It would take a saint to withstand all of that and never be annoyed. If I do something that annoys you to no end, I would rather know so I can stop doing it, than have you sit and seethe and spend the time on the edge of your seat waiting for it to happen again. Although I cannot guarantee that I won't do it six or seven times in a row just to get it out of my system (tee hee!) once you've told me. But that is not how we work, right? We DON'T tell each other these things. We just let our social relationships fall apart and start avoiding each other when it gets too bad to bear. Too bad we can't be more open and honest with each other, instead of letting these things fester. MIL is a close talker and constantly touches my arm or taps me to get my attention even when I am LOOKING at her. Sometimes she taps for the millionth time and I want to punch her in the nose. A few times I have even cringed or jumped. I admit that anticipating this invasion of my personal space and unwanted touching often ruins any chance of a pleasant encounter - and we all know there are too many other issues with that relationship, it's not like I need another reason to be uncomfortable and unhappy while we are together. She is a cheek kisser too. I am expected to kiss her hello and good-bye. Other than my child, my husband, and my animals, I don't go around kissing willy-nilly. I have to give myself a pep-talk beforehand. Damaged, I am DAMAGED I tell you. Maybe this is why I like knitting and even do it in public. People don't try to advance on you or invade your space when you are holding pointed sticks and muttering numbers under your breath. Oh, they make loud comments or bad jokes about old spinster ladies, or point out that it is cheaper and easier to buy things than make them, or feel free to comment on your choice of colours. Odd that a stranger will tell me she thinks the green I chose for the sweater I am knitting is ugly, but my own husband won't tell me that he hates when I wear pajamas as loungewear. Yes, I know he hates it and I do it anyway. Comfort takes priority in certain cases. I hate his rock shirts and don't say anything so we are even. I am scared and excited at the same time. This is "Andean Silk". Superfine Alpaca, Silk, and Merino wool in a colourway called Cinnamon. It wasn't "expensive" because I ordered it from Knit Picks - though after shipping and stuff it isn't exactly Red Heart Super Saver. But it will be the first time using "the good stuff". It is to make a wrap/poncho for my godmother as a christmas present. I want to finish one project of the three I have going before starting this, which should be soon. This is "part two" of the wrap I am making out of sock yarn. I have one more lace repeat, then stockinette until the ball runs out. After that the two pieces will be grafted together in the middle. In case it isn't long enough (I only have two balls of that yarn) I bought some ivory/white sock yarn to go in the middle if I need it. Then I can use the white to finish the ends. I used a provisional cast on. Once the waste yarn is zipped off, the loops are freed to be placed on the needle again. Then you knit on an edging. I have never done that before, so another first. That's a lot of firsts in one wrap! This is my "living room" project. It's a crochet wrap. That yarn is fluffy and soft and warm yet light as a cloud. The only problem with making what is essentially a big crocheted rectangle is that after a while doing the same stitch over and over again almost lulls me to sleep. I am about halfway done and can only stay awake for ten minutes or so. It is sitting on my "living room" book. I read so fast that in order to pace myself (and to keep my reading budget from reaching mortgage proportions) I place books in each room. I am only allowed to read that book in that room. This is one of the latest by Stephanie Pearl McPhee (Yarn Harlot). I have one of her other books in the bathroom (tee hee, Meditations to pee by anyone?). I have a cooking magazine in the family room, and a new cookbook in the kitchen. No books in the bedroom as of yet. If I didn't do it this way I would sit and read them through the minute I get them. Not only does that make them go way too fast, but I don't get anything else done and tune out the world. Hey, that is another annoying thing about me! There ya go.


Anonymous said...

I feel your 'pain' about people eating off your plate... I read [somewhere online no doubt] that when someone does this, just push your plate over and say 'Here finish this one; I'll order another for myself.'
However, it sounds like You could go broke doing this with a repeat offender.... maybe carry your knitting needles?

Anonymous said...

Enjoyed a lot!
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