Wednesday, June 07, 2006

I hear that branding is the new piercing

When will I ever learn? If there is some record book out there that measures how many times you can do the exact same stupid thing before learning not to do it, I am sure my name would be in there many times. I just might win the record for having the most record number of stupid things done! My family would be SO proud. I know that the heating element of the convection oven is on top. I also know that it hangs two inches below the top of the oven. And it gets hot instantly as soon as the oven is turned on. And it isn't a good idea to touch that element with any part of your body at all. See how I know all these things? Well then explain to me how it is that I manage to burn myself on that fricken thing over and over again! A mouse will learn not to touch a certain lever after only one electric shock. Even when other mice move the lever and are rewarded with a treat, no way is that first mouse touching it again. I am not as smart as that mouse, apparently. This time I got myself on the top of my wrist. I barely touched the element while re-arranging some baguettes I was baking to make DH's lunch. See how I suffer for him? ROFL. I am thinking of using puff paint to draw sparkly beads around my wrist and make it look like an odd bead on a bracelet. What do you think? Why are you looking at me like that? Day number three of being trapped in the house with a sick child is starting to wear thin. She is feeling better today, which actually makes it worse. Because a kid who is feeling better gets bored very easily and Momma is not feeling well enough herself to entertain. DH asked me today why I still feel so awful, since I have been "laying around since Monday". Comments like that make me want to sit on the floor and laugh until I cry. Who does he think has been cooking and cleaning and caring for the sickly child this whole time? And children's illnesses do not take the nights off either. The girly that needed her hair held back while she threw up during the day still needs that hair holder all night long. And the hair holder could have used a hair holder, if you know what I mean. He slept like a log through it all. It is times like these that make me want to cough on his food and kiss him on the mouth. In the interest of sharing and family togetherness, of course. Sometimes men just don't think. I can spend a night alternating between tossing my cookies and holding the hair of a young tossette, then fall into bed for a few moments of rest to suddenly feel a creeping hand. You have GOT to be joking! What about spewing bad things from both ends makes him think I feel sexy? And who would want to touch something that is spewing bad things from both ends anyway? "Well, you woke me up". Oh. I can see how that might send the wrong message. Pardon me for a moment, I need to make a bathroom run. Yep, I can see where he would make that mistake. He can be such a Doof. Now, some of you are holding your hands over your ears (which is silly because you are READING) and screaming TMI! TMI! But you know what? Too bad because if I have to live it you have to hear it. I could also describe in intimate detail a bathroom trip, but I am feeling merciful today - plus it might make me have to do such a run and we don't want that at ALL. DD stopped making her runs at about 4:00am and hasn't seemed to need one since then. I have not been so lucky. She is feeling better enough to want to play, but when I threaten she will have to go to school or her swimming lesson all of a sudden she is "too sick" and acts lethargic again for five whole minutes. DH decided to stay home today "to take care of us". He slept in until 10:00, expected me to make him breakfast (not impressed when I plunked a box of cereal in front of him), and keeps standing around tapping his foot and looking bored with us. I told him to either get lost, go to work, do yardwork, or do something with his daughter before I send her to school this afternoon. I came down to blog to get AWAY for a minute. They followed me. He is sitting in front of the blaring TV (who needs to watch Regis and Kelly that loud?) and DD is behind me playing games on the other computer. My head is about to explode. Is it a bad sign that I find that idea welcoming?

1 comment:

The Cookbook Junkie said...

That's funny, I have two of those burns right now (one on each arm). I haven't burned myself in ages and I got myself twice this week (once on a hot roasting pan and once reaching around the GF grill to unplug it).

Don't get your DH sick because they're worse than children.