Friday, September 08, 2006

I am a fashion "don't"

I have a problem. Specifically a bra problem. No matter what I do, and how I adjust them, my bra straps always fall down my arms. Add that to my propensity to wear sleeveless tops, and you have a recipe for a fashion disaster. Even if I adjust the straps so short that my breasts are now where my earrings should be, they still find a way to creep down my arms. My shoulders do not slope, and they are not narrow. In fact, I am built like a linebacker, if you must know. My broad shoulders have been a shame in my family since I was a child. Imagine sitting in a room full of tiny, fair, birdlike creatures when you are dark, broad, and sturdy as a clydesdale. No matter how graceful I was, I would always seem oafish next to them. They were delicate as fine china, I was thick and useful like stonewear. Even my eyes betrayed me, decidedly NOT blue in a room full of recessive genes. And may I add, I am the only one in the room whose bra straps slip down her shoulders. It's like I reject them or something. Thin straps, thick straps, straps with moleskin that are supposed to grip. Foam straps, rubber coated straps that ate into my skin in increments starting at my collarbone and ending just above my arm fat area (what is that area called anyway?). Custom fitted bras that were hand sewn and cost an entire paycheck slip just as quickly as a discount department store sale bra. I even tried one of those holders, that is supposed to connect the two straps and hold them up. My straps still creeped down, only now my arms were wired to my sides and I could barely move them. In fact, I couldn't unhook my bra to remove the connector either, it was like being trapped in the naughty version of a straight jacket. It was suggested that I purchase those clear straps, so that they would be less noticeable. But they had no give at all and I ended up with horrible, welted hives. How about the kind with rhinestones so at least they are pretty? Sounded like an excellent idea. Except that the rhinestones keep catching on everything and making pulls in my clothes. They caught my favourite sweater and made a pull that I can't fix, which upset me enough to throw the bra away. Never mind we were out to dinner at the time. At least I went into the bathroom to remove it, years ago I would have whipped it off at the table. I can't tell you how many times other people have pushed the straps up for me. DH, DD, my sisters. Personally, I just gave up and let them do whatever they want. If they want to slip down, great. But admittedly it seems to bother those around me. So much so, that a person dear to my heart whom I will not name, saw fit to MAIL me an article on fashion don'ts, circling the part about visible bra straps. There were several more items on that list that I am guilty of, but she doesn't see me that often and when we visit I tend to dress for "company". We will just keep those other offences secret for now, thank you. Although one of them is visible panty lines. Sorry, I don't care if thongs minimize those lines. I would rather people see my panty lines and be assured I wear grannie panties, rather than no lines and live with the horror of thinking I am wearing a thong. That is an image and nightmare I wouldn't impose on ANYBODY. I'm just saying. Perhaps I will do an internet search and find a picture of a person wearing a strapless shirt with a bra underneath, print it out, and mail it back with a message (made from cutting and pasting letters from a newspaper) that says "COULD BE WORSE". Tee hee! On the knitting front, I am making progress on the poncho-turned-wrap. Every day I am more and more affirmed that this will be a wrap rather than a poncho. Each repeat is maybe three, four inches long. If there are no interruptions, I can finish a repeat in an evening. Now we can all laugh like loons, because saying no interruptions is like saying "if we lived in space I would be weightless". While it may be true, it isn't likely to happen, is it. I still love this piece, and like most knitting the picture doesn't even close to give it justice. I might just cry when I give it away. I have abandoned the poncho for DD (remember? Blue and green, tree, bush, birds, cat bunny and dog or somesuch LOL), at least insofar as the yarn she chose. Novelty yarns are just too difficult for me to use. My hands and arms and eyes just can't take it, and I don't like the feel of the fabric when I hold a strand of novelty with a worsted weight to give it more bulk. I could maybe buy a larger size needle in a circular, but I think I would rather just go with a worsted weight yarn and hope for the best. And the good news is, I get to go YARN shopping because I don't think I have blue worsted weight yarn in my stash. Darn ;). Her birthday is in roughly one month and I would really like to have it done as a present for her. The way I see it, if I give up sleeping and/or eating I might have a chance.


anette said...

one word-STRAPLESS

does this fall under the category of "it could be worse"?

Anonymous said...

ok I wasn't having this problem until I read this Blog!!! you've hexed me!!1 I couldn't keep a bra strap on my shoulder all afternoon!

Anonymous said...

excuse me miss dances, but it seems to me that you are missing a few days here. I prefer if you do daily updates on your blog. I do enjoy you so.