Wednesday, November 22, 2006

What is that dazzling white light?!?!

Why, that would be my teeth, darling. Because we had our dentist appointments last night. And our teeth are all clean and shiney and bright. And sore, but what can one do. DD did exceptionally well. You could tell she didn't like much of what was going on, but she stayed quite still and opened her mouth wide when asked, and followed all the instructions. Then it was my turn. And let me say it is hard to keep a straight face while getting your teeth cleaned when your 7 year old daughter is looking in your mouth. And giving directions to the hygienist! "There is a spot there you missed. Don't forget under that bar thingy. Why does mommy have so many TEETH". I think she would have had her hands in there if the lady had let her. I thought she would be scared, considering I am a bleeder. But nope, she took it all in stride. I could have done without her telling the woman I never brush my teeth, however. Sheesh. You see, I have a bit of a germ phobia (shut up, not everybody with germ phobias have clean houses. Some of us just live in horror, that's all). But only about certain things. This is how I can deal with two inches of dust on the piano, but any dishes that make it into the bathroom are boiled in bleach or thrown away. I am not into leaving my toothbrush out on the bathroom counter for several reasons, not the least of which I used to have a toothbrush munching cat, and a commercial I saw once that effectively demonstrated toilet water dousing the entire bathroom in a fine mist of human waste. That commercial right there spurred a good ole bleach-o-rama at this house. It also induced a serious toothbrush cull. Keeping my toothbrush in a container in the drawer seemed a far better protective option. Until I had a child. Because children are notorious for disrespecting personal space issues and think nothing of using another person's toothbrush. And not always for tooth brushing, either. Nope, that called for drastic measures. So I keep my toothbrush under lock and key. Nobody needs to know where it is located, and I like it that way. Every morning and every night I retrieve said instrument from it's secret locked location, use it for it's intended purpose, and return it to it's safe hold. This greatly reduces the need to whip my toothbrush out the front door and buy a new one, a scene that took place a couple of times a month before that. I say reduce and not remove, because there are risks associated with the travelling I do that sometimes require strong measures. Like the time the airport security agent removed my electric toothbrush from my make-up bag HOLDING IT BY THE BRISTLE END and asked me to turn it on. I did so, to prove it was not some sort of weapon but was in fact an electric toothbrush. Then I deftly removed the batteries (expensive rechargeables) and tossed the rest of the unit into the trash can next to us. Good thing it was a cheap colgate spin brush and not a hundred dollar sonic-care model. I got the oddest look from the agent, but hey. He is wearing gloves to protect himself, and then touched the business end of my toothbrush with that gloved hand. That glove has been on peoples bodies and pawed through their clothes and undergarments and touched the filth ridden outsides of suitcases. Even without the glove factor, that toothbrush was toast as soon as he opened the make-up bag. When I got to my destination I asked at the front desk for a toothbrush, as directed by the little sign in my room. Forgot something? Ask at the desk! The desk clerk cheerfully retrieved an unwrapped brush from a basket under the counter and attempted to hand it to me. Do I have to say how she was holding it? Not that it matters. No way no how was I taking THAT biohazard. "Gee, I just remembered that I didn't forget it after all". I then paid for a cab to bring me to the closest establishment that sold toiletries, wait for me, and bring me back again (okay, plus we sat for several minutes with the meter running as I tried to translate toiletries into a language I had never heard of because that driver clearly had no idea what I wanted). That 99 cent oral-b cost me roughly 30 dollars, I reckon - not including the $8.00 for the electric one I tossed. Now when I go on trips I make sure to pack extra NEW manual toothbrushes - in their original packaging. Just in case. All of that was the pre-amble, by the way. In case you forgot the point, it had to do with DD telling the hygienist I never brush my teeth. DH likes to tease DD and tell her stories. And one of those is that I never brush my teeth, and as proof, he points out "You don't see her toothbrush, do you? She doesn't have one". I always thought she KNEW it was a joke, but it seems maybe she is starting to believe otherwise. I could take the safe route and show her my brush, but what if she touches it? No. Too high of a risk. I just bought a new battery powered one and I really like it.


Anonymous said...

'll let you in on a little secret-put it in the dishwasher and it will come out SANITIZED :-) :-) A long, long time ago I bought a toothbrush sanitizer from HSN. I used it for months. Then one night I got up to use the bathroom. The light inside the unit was on-the inside of the unit was covered in MILDEW!!!! Ugh, ugh, ugh. The dishwasher will never let you down. I hate taking a toothbrush home after even being in a hotel room-I usually toss it.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and what about UNDERWEAR! Last time I was on a plane, I folded my underwear and packed a few pairs at a time into ziplock baggies, then smooshed out all of the air. EVERY SINGLE ONE had been opened by security! (Well, okay, *both* baggies, but still!) Somebody I don't know not only saw my underwear, but they very likely TOUCHED it, too! Thank heavens we were staying with my travel mate's family, and I was able to wash my undies. Bleach and hot water are my friends. Wait, was that TMI? Hmm, better sign this "anonymous."