Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Christmas Hooker polish

Know what I bought today? Hooker red nail polish (no, not something to buff a holiday prostitute - they have no need to be shiny). But not just any hooker red nail polish. SPARKLY hooker red nail polish especially for christmas. There is no limit to the festivity, around here. It was right there next to the hairspray - another item I buy exclusively around Christmastime. The same bottle lasts for years and years. Or until the pump gets hopelessly clogged from months of disuse and I throw it away in a fit of pique ten minutes before we have to walk out the door to go to a Christmas party. Christmas parties are events that require hairspray, in case you were wondering. That is usually when I realize I don't have a single pair of hose without runs (including the brand new, right out of the package ones that catch on my hooker sparkle red fingernails and snag before I can even get them over a toe). Maybe I should consider leaving 11 minutes earlier and avoiding these debaucles. Of course, I added all that to distract you from the fact that I buy things in a store that sells nail polish, hairspray, kids nightgowns, and chocolate soymilk all in close proximity of each other. This week-end I bought several pieces that will be mixed and matched for Christmas and New Year outfits. As I pawed through my jewelry box checking on what I have to bling up the items, I came to realize that somewhere along the line all my good stuff has become JUNK. Boy, do I miss the eighties when chunky, gold tone plastic and rhinestones were de rigeur. I have only a few pieces of real jewelry, and they were all gifts. Which means they are proportioned improperly for me. I may like to say I am a delicate flower, but in reality, not so much. Not exactly dainty. I have a DH who sees me for my inner pixie and buys me sparkly things accordingly. Fine chains that disappear on my neck and are 10 inches too short. Tiny tiny pendants that either sit on my neck like a mole or get eaten by my cleavage - assuming I have joined three or four past gifts to make the chain longer. I needed something with more substance for the events we have this year, and I have NOTHING. Seeing as I am too lazy and cheap to go out and look for something better, I will attend holiday events looking unfinished. Perhaps I can sell "unadorned is the new bling" this year. Or not. Good thing I got the nail polish. I am woefully behind on my knitting. Working too many hours each day, and too many appointments. Doctors, dentists, therapists. These take hours out of my workday that I cannot give up, so my work hours infringe on my "social" time. That means the cooking, cleaning, shopping, knitting, and watching tv time. We won't talk about eating or going to the bathroom or sleeping, all items that are being pushed around these days wherever they fit. Or can be squeezed, really really hard. Dh asked when I was going to clean the aquarium and I laughed until I snorted and cried. Yeah, I can't find time to PEE. The aquarium for SURE is at the top of my priority list. *Snort!*. We have presents to wrap, the tree is up and decorated but I haven't finished putting out the rest of the holiday glam yet (and I am beginning to think those bins are just going to disappear back to the basement like I never saw them. Better luck next year!). I have about half the family/business holiday cards to fill out and mail. A handful of presents to pick up. How many days are left? Sigh. I might be able to take a breather some time around March. Let's all take a deep breath and think of happy things, shall we?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I also only have about two "real" pieces of jewerly. It is sad when I look in my jewerly box for something to wear and don't have anything. Maybe one day my DH will get a clue and get me something. My ex used to buy me stuff all the time, but my Mom took all of that after the divorce...I'm not sure why....but she looks great in it...LOL