Friday, June 09, 2006

Like living with tapeworms

There are some days when I am afraid to sit still, lest I be eaten by the other members of this household before I can get away. For picky eaters, they sure do eat a LOT. I am on a first name basis with the stock boy at the grocery store. I feel like I spend my whole paycheck on food every week. They aren't excited for meals, but when it comes to snacking in the evening there are no holds barred. Last night (while I was at the grocery store of course) they ate the bag of tortilla chips and queso dip I bought for a gathering we are going to Sunday. Plus a bag of "Old Fashioned" chips I bought for my mother. Funny how the precut veggie sticks are still in the fridge, looking lonely. We won't discuss the bowl of fruit rapidly gathering fruit flies on the table. We had DD's school Family Luau last night. DD was dressed appropriately like a little hula girl. Darling of course. DH was late as he decided to pick up MIL as a surprise. And it was a surprise, I can tell you that. There were few activities this year, but DD was having a ball being with her friends while listening to Karaoke, and it really is all about her at these things. I found it absolutely adorable to see them sitting there and talking and dancing and laughing. Brought back memories LOL. If you want a cute overload, dress a bunch of little girls in grass skirts and flower necklaces and tell them to dance :). DD got brave and sang "Born to be wild" over the microphone. She wanted me to sing a song too, but I am a closet Karaoke-er and the world is better for it, trust me. DH and MIL were a little upset that all they were doing was standing and watching as DD and I socialized. I introduced them to the people I knew, but they weren't interested in mixing apparently. Besides going to the grocery store, events like these are the only time I get out of the house and have a chance to talk to people. Deal with it. Plus DH was a bit miffed when he asked what I had planned for dinner. THIS is what I planned for dinner, silly! Not happy at the prospect of eating hotdogs and chips in the schoolyard, they left when it started to drizzle. DD and I happily ate hotdogs and munched potato chips in the rain LOL. Well, she had cheezies and somehow we both ended up covered in orange fingerprints but that is a whole different discussion altogether. Perhaps a new blog entitled "I am not a napkin" for another day. After the bill debaucle and a small argument at the Luau (okay it wasn't small, but it was in public so involved hissing words through gritted teeth very quietly) I have decided I will buy NO MORE SNACKS. No more junk. No pop tarts. No pudding. No ice cream or chips or Bugles. I think junk food in small portions occasionally can't hurt, but somehow these two are basing their diet on it. Very hard to do in this house where even the pizza crust is whole wheat and the cheese is low fat. When they pick at their dinner then eat a party's worth of nibble food in a sitting, calling it a "snack", then it is time for a change, methinks. I almost combusted to find out DH and MIL stopped at a fast food restaurant on the way home. They won't eat hotdogs and hamburgs with chips in the schoolyard, but they will eat hamburgers and french fries at three times the price at McDonalds. The same McDonalds that DH denies DD saying it is too expensive to eat there. She eats a chicken nugget kids meal that comes with apples and milk, that is hardly running up the bill. Sigh. One step forward, three steps back sometimes eh? In happier news, my sister came for a visit this morning to use our printer. I didn't want her to come because the house is torn apart (still suffering from the fallout of being sick and not doing much at the beginning of the week), but she insisted she wasn't going to LOOK at anything, just use the printer. If I had known she had FIVE HUNDRED pictures to print, I would have told her to find another ink patsy. Too late. Ruby was thrilled due to the freshly painted toes (that dog LOVES toes, especially brightly painted toes and open shoes) and she loves her Auntie. The cats were less thrilled and took off for under the bed when she walked in. Which is fine by her, as she is scared of cats. She has one of her own, a Himalayan. Loves him to death and spoils him and does horrible things like dressing him in GIRL clothes, but still a little afraid of him LOLOLOL. It was nice to have a visit. She was amazed I can read, type, drink coffee, AND have a conversation at the same time. Who knew I was so talented? Been working on some Christmas presents (you can never start too early). This is the "Irish Hiking Scarf" I am making for - get ready for this - DH's cousin's wife's step-brother. Every year on Christmas day we go to DH's Aunt's house, and he is always invited. He has a "significant other" but his father does not accept his lifestyle so his friend is not invited. This tugs my heart strings. How sad it must be, to want to spend Christmas with your father when he does not accept your beloved. How hard it must be to say to the man you love "I am going but you cannot come". Couldn't imagine it. I don't know why, but something inside said to make him this scarf. He has a tan winter coat and this colourway will go well with it. The cable details are lovely, but don't picture well in variegated yarn. Drat. I wish you could see it in person, it really is beautiful. Not quite half way done. The wrap made from sock yarn that I made for myself is done but still needs blocking. No real pattern, I just used a lace repeat from the "Lacy Stole" pattern on the Lion Brand website. I casted on multiples of the seventeen stitches of the pattern until I got a width I liked. Did lace for a few repeats, then stockinette until the ball ran out. Placed that all on holders, and did it again for the second half with a second ball of yarn. Using white sock yarn, I added a few rows of stockinette and some K2tog Yo rows to make holes or "eyelets" to each piece. Then I did a three needle bind off to join them in the middle. Unzipped my provisional cast on rows and added more white stockinette and eyelet rows and casted off. Then I did a round of single crochet all the way around, before adding an edging just to the ends (SC Slip1 in each SC across). I originally did an I cord edging all the way around, and though I loved it on it's own it just did nothing for the sides. Nicer on the ends but too plain in the white. It would have coordinated nicely with the bindoff ridge in the middle of the wrap. If I had known it wasn't going to be used I would have grafted the pieces instead of binding off, but as of yet it doesn't bother me enough to change it right now. I keep talking about making myself a "blocking center". What I want to do is buy pieces of pegboard, and cover them with batting then a layer of felt (or some other 'sticky' material). My plan would be to pin the damp knitted articles on this to block them, then hanging them on end from eye-hooks from the basement cieling to dry. There is a spot in the laundry area that would be perfect, and if it seems too damp down there we have a standing fan that would work a treat. Why would somebody want to go to all that trouble? This is why. Thank goodness there are no pins in there. See what happens? It starts with just laying on it. Then the rolling starts. Then the bunching. If she is really riled up she grabs the lumped up thing and scoots around the house with it. Other times she stomps it then lays on it again. I guess when you are an indoor pug, you have to get your nesting materials where you can. If I put the item UP on something, we have the same scenario only with cats. I can't win.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

A little much

To whomever tipped off the karma gods and gave them a map to my location, thanks. Thanks a lot. First there was sickness in the house (DD is well enough for school today, thank goodness. If she didn't get better soon I was going to have to kill her). Then the washing machine started acting funny (every once in a while there is sort of a leak from underneath it. Not the hose hookups, but UNDER it). The microwave died and needs repair or replacement (it is going to cost 48.00 to find out what is wrong with it). Something is going on with the utilities company and we got a disconnection notice, even though as far as I can tell our account is paid in full. DH is playing one of his games and won't help me set it right, which is going to be a big big problem. I figured I better blog before they turn out the lights for good. Then I'm off to shower, because the water is included in that deal. I would have a pity party, only the house is too messy to have anybody over LOL. DD' s teacher informed me this morning that she will not be allowed to make up the work missed while home sick this week. Despite the fact that when I tried to collect her work to do at home, this teacher assured me it was fine, she could do it when she came back, it is no big deal since it is the end of the year. Somewhere between Monday and today something changed and I was not aware of it. Perhaps this is the same rip in the time space continuum that is screwing with our utilities account, who knows. Just last week I had sort of an epiphany. I decided that I was going to start having only POSITIVE thoughts. For the last year at least I have been a bit mired in a downward spiral and it is time to snap myself out of it. I am beginning to think that I AM manic depressive, with really really long cycles. And even if my energy level is a 2, I was going to PRETEND it was a 7 or 8. I used to be in the drama club, I can act. How hard could it be to pretend to be perky? Harder than you would think. Never let the karma gods think that you are perky. Apparently it causes them to smack you down, and pretty hard at that. My epiphany has been effectively crushed, thank you. Maybe I'll be manic next year.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

I hear that branding is the new piercing

When will I ever learn? If there is some record book out there that measures how many times you can do the exact same stupid thing before learning not to do it, I am sure my name would be in there many times. I just might win the record for having the most record number of stupid things done! My family would be SO proud. I know that the heating element of the convection oven is on top. I also know that it hangs two inches below the top of the oven. And it gets hot instantly as soon as the oven is turned on. And it isn't a good idea to touch that element with any part of your body at all. See how I know all these things? Well then explain to me how it is that I manage to burn myself on that fricken thing over and over again! A mouse will learn not to touch a certain lever after only one electric shock. Even when other mice move the lever and are rewarded with a treat, no way is that first mouse touching it again. I am not as smart as that mouse, apparently. This time I got myself on the top of my wrist. I barely touched the element while re-arranging some baguettes I was baking to make DH's lunch. See how I suffer for him? ROFL. I am thinking of using puff paint to draw sparkly beads around my wrist and make it look like an odd bead on a bracelet. What do you think? Why are you looking at me like that? Day number three of being trapped in the house with a sick child is starting to wear thin. She is feeling better today, which actually makes it worse. Because a kid who is feeling better gets bored very easily and Momma is not feeling well enough herself to entertain. DH asked me today why I still feel so awful, since I have been "laying around since Monday". Comments like that make me want to sit on the floor and laugh until I cry. Who does he think has been cooking and cleaning and caring for the sickly child this whole time? And children's illnesses do not take the nights off either. The girly that needed her hair held back while she threw up during the day still needs that hair holder all night long. And the hair holder could have used a hair holder, if you know what I mean. He slept like a log through it all. It is times like these that make me want to cough on his food and kiss him on the mouth. In the interest of sharing and family togetherness, of course. Sometimes men just don't think. I can spend a night alternating between tossing my cookies and holding the hair of a young tossette, then fall into bed for a few moments of rest to suddenly feel a creeping hand. You have GOT to be joking! What about spewing bad things from both ends makes him think I feel sexy? And who would want to touch something that is spewing bad things from both ends anyway? "Well, you woke me up". Oh. I can see how that might send the wrong message. Pardon me for a moment, I need to make a bathroom run. Yep, I can see where he would make that mistake. He can be such a Doof. Now, some of you are holding your hands over your ears (which is silly because you are READING) and screaming TMI! TMI! But you know what? Too bad because if I have to live it you have to hear it. I could also describe in intimate detail a bathroom trip, but I am feeling merciful today - plus it might make me have to do such a run and we don't want that at ALL. DD stopped making her runs at about 4:00am and hasn't seemed to need one since then. I have not been so lucky. She is feeling better enough to want to play, but when I threaten she will have to go to school or her swimming lesson all of a sudden she is "too sick" and acts lethargic again for five whole minutes. DH decided to stay home today "to take care of us". He slept in until 10:00, expected me to make him breakfast (not impressed when I plunked a box of cereal in front of him), and keeps standing around tapping his foot and looking bored with us. I told him to either get lost, go to work, do yardwork, or do something with his daughter before I send her to school this afternoon. I came down to blog to get AWAY for a minute. They followed me. He is sitting in front of the blaring TV (who needs to watch Regis and Kelly that loud?) and DD is behind me playing games on the other computer. My head is about to explode. Is it a bad sign that I find that idea welcoming?

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Public Service Announcement

The blog has been cancelled today, as Dances can't stay out of the bathroom long enough to type it. There is a sick and whiney child on the couch waiting to have a book read to her, and there is something about a child on the couch with her own blankets and a bucket next to her that just ruins a persons day sometimes. Having conversations with said couched-child while you are stuck in the bathroom makes it even worse. Now add that DH is calling every three and a half minutes to ask how we are doing, and you see how my day has been. And on top of it, MIL keeps calling. You know, to make sure I understand that it is all my fault DD is sick because I am a bad mother due to the fact I don't make her take vitamins and her son was never sick a day in his life (*cough bullshit cough*) and if she was here she would be taking so much better care of the child and there is no possible way I am sick too I am just faking to get out of doing housework........did you get all that? If you need me, I will be in the bathroom. Don't call. The phone is off the hook.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Not a good sign

It is never a good sign when it is not even 10:00 am, and you need a nap LOLOL. I did not sleep well last night. My featherbed thingy had shifted so I kept losing my pillow and falling off the edge. And Ruby was taking WAY more than her share of my spot. And every time I moved my feet Jasmine would hiss and bite them - what a nasty thing. Lays in MY bed and hisses at me. And DH was grinding his teeth and doing a sort of snork-snore. And....well you get the picture ;). I feel like a bug that has been stepped on, pretty much. Or a used-up dish rag. My brother's birthday (37!) is on the 6th, but we celebrated it last night. He is a landscape nut, so we bought him "a shrubbery" (said in our best Monty Python 'Knights who say Nih!' voice). He got two others (a boxwood and an azalea), and a whole wack of stuff for his Tiki bar. His back yard looks like a resort, I swear. All he needs is a truckload or two of sand. Hey, I'll keep that in mind for next year - tee hee! My parents hosted the dinner, roast pork and beef with all the trimmings. More desserts than we had at Thanksgiving. What ever happened to "birthday cake"? There was birthday pie, birthday flan, and birthday cheesecake. And a peanut butter/chocolate contraption with a cookie crust that my niece made for him (he is a peanut butter fanatic, but we don't get him peanut butter for his birthday - we get it for CHRISTMAS. 1 kg of peanut butter and an industrial sized jar of Cheeze Whiz. Heck, every family needs it's customs). Now. We still celebrate family birthdays. We all get together, sometimes for dinner but sometimes just for dessert. The kids get a chance to play together and we get to visit. Then we plunk candles into something, sing, and make them blow them out to make a wish. You would think that after at LEAST 34 years of practice, we would be able to sing "Happy Birthday" half decent considering we sing it so often. But nope. It's like listening to convicts sing to the warden. I heard zombie's singing in "Shawn of the Dad" that sounded more lively than our group. Yet we insist in doing it. Boggles the mind. *We interrupt this blog for a public service announcment. DD's school just called. She is not feeling well and needs picking up. Normal blogging will return once she is back home and comfy on the couch.* **There. Child is back, in pj's, under snuggly blanket, covered in stuffed animals, and watching Teletubbies of all things LOL. She never liked that show when she was an appropriate age to watch it, but now, sometimes when she is not feeling well, she wants to see it. She says her stomach hurts, and she is pale and sweaty. There have been a few bugs going around her school and in our family so we will see what comes of it.** Birthdays are a funny thing. I don't mind a birthday party per se (after all, that means there are presents right? LOL). People getting together, eating good food, having good fun and all that. But I don't like being reminded that another year has passed. I don't want to grow older. I come from a long line of women that have been dragged kicking and screaming into aging. My grandmother and mother and more than one of my aunts has been known to take to their bed for a week when faced with a 'milestone' birthday. There is a mental block that I have spent a great deal of time and effort building to keep me from knowing what age I am. We do not appreciate people trying to remind me constantly. And pointing out what age I will be next? Not couth, my friend. Not couth at ALL. There were so many things I was supposed to have done by now. Travelled the world. Learned how to whistle properly and do a cart wheel. Become Prime Minister. I haven't opened up my own no-kill animal shelter nor owned a horse. No, I can't possible age another year. I have too much to DO. If you want to know how strongly I feel about the subject, consider that my birthday isn't even until January. Even celebrating somebody ELSE'S birthday is enough to get me going on the birthday rant. Just thinking about it is too much. I'm going to lie down with a cold cloth on my head. Maybe it will help drown out the sound of the Teletubbies.