Monday, January 29, 2007

Damn these man hands!

I am sure I have mentioned before, but I was born into a family of blonde, blue eyed, birdlike people. Recent evidence shows that there is SOME hope and the "giant ogre" genes kick in after having kids, but still, for the most part, they are waifs. The ones that are not still have dainty fingers and hands, tiny necks and wrists, and the pink complexion of porcelain dolls. Add that fair hair and those light eyes - all they need is a bonnet and parosol and you could display them right on a shelf.

I am not like those people. My skin is ruddy. My eyes are not blue. My hair is brown. I am not waiflike. My features are NOT dainty. There is not a single dainty thing about me, in fact. Unless you count that tenuous grasp on sanity. THAT little thread is mighty dainty. Ahem. Back to me, and my table-leg ankles. I don't exactly have cankles, so there is that. One time we brought my ring in to be cleaned, and the stones checked to make sure they were in tight. When we picked it up again, the girl looked at the size of the ring and the heaviness of the band and immediately tried to put the ring onto DH. No, sweetie. The gigantic ring is mine, thank you. She could have put it on her wrist, practically. I am sure her friends and collegues continue to laugh and have mirth at the story about the 'woman with the tree branches for fingers'.

Being female, and working in an office, and being a daughter-in-law, I get a lot of 'generic female gifts'. You know. Candles. Mugs with candy in them. Candles. Bath soaps. Candles. Oh, and gloves. Lots and lots of gloves. Nice gloves. Lady-like gloves. Gloves that would never fit these mits in a million years. I mean, I can diet and exercise and take inches off my waist but there is no cure for having gorilla hands (although they are not hairy, thank goodness). Sometimes if they are a large I can wedge my fingers in there, and be content to never bend my fingers while wearing them. MIL once bought me leather gloves, and got the men's by mistake. They are the only gloves that have ever fit. I used to keep those little gloves. It seemed wrong to throw them away. Then I started donating them to charity. After all, I am sure there are a lot of needy and homeless women out there with small hands.

Now. Knowing all this, one would think that if I decided to make something for myself - say mittens perhaps - that I would take into account the fact that I have huge fricken hands. That I would see the notation that it was for a woman's size M or small L and make the necessary adjustments. But nooooooooo. "There is a lot of ease with mittens". "Mittens are always loose, these will just be less loose". "They can't be THAT small". If one were to get gauge, the mittens would measure 8 inches around the widest part of the hand. That would barely go around my fingertips (did you think I was kidding about having sturdy fingers?). Yet still, I worked right on gauge, and other than going up a needle size or two, made no other changes. Isn't the first one beautiful?
Now. Ask me if I can get my hand in there.


gardengrl (from the CF) said...

Is it my imagination, or does it look there are skull and crossbones knitted on the mitten-to-be??

Have I had too much coffee today? Does anyone else see this in the picture?

Anonymous said...

I haven't had any coffee. I see skull and crossbones. some subliminal message I guess. LOL

I love your blog Dances.
When you write a book, I'll stand in line for a copy.

Anonymous said...

Nice mittens for your mits. Umm.. where is the place for your thumb? The photo does not show one.LOL Is it the photo or a real close up photo, I mean those mittens look like a real xxxx size.LOL

Anonymous said...

I'll ask --- Can you get your hand in the mitten?