Wednesday, March 21, 2007

My eyes are wide open

You don't truly know how unkempt you are, until you see an extreme closeup of your upper lip. The fact that my head was tipped back and there is the lovely view up my nose (can you say nose clippers?) just adds to the total effect. HOLY CRAP. Why didn't anybody tell me that my lip was THAT hairy? I mean come ON. I know about my chin and my neck (that whole jowl area in fact). Why didn't somebody stage a waxing intervention for me before I embarassed myself by going out in public like this?!?!?! On the other hand, I have nice teeth, even close up. But that is about it, my friends. Now, you may be wondering WHY ON EARTH would I not only take an extreme close up of myself, but then critique it? There are good reasons. I have a sore spot on the roof of my mouth. I would be able to see it in the mirror if maybe I was a flounder, but since my eyes are located where they are, and I have to be at such an angle to get the spot to appear in the mirror, I got the bright idea to use the camera! There is a close-up setting and a flash, so why not? I'll tell you why not. Nobody should see any part of their face that close up, that's why. Pits and craters, pores the size of an orange, hairiness that you never even knew existed. But again, my teeth are still nice close up, so there is that. I have some tips if you ever want to take a picture of the inside of your mouth. Shut up, it might be a valuable skill at some point. You never know. First of all, hold your breath or you will fog up the lense and the picture will be blurry. Second of all, swallow really well right before posing. Ew. Third, toss all vanity out the window because you are sure to see at least one thing that will horrify you to your core. Fourth make sure everybody else is out of the house, the drapes are drawn, and the door is locked and deadbolted. Because if anybody catches you taking a picture of the inside of your own mouth, it will take a whole lot more explaining that you can handle while laughing hysterically. Trust me, I know. Oh, and if you face a mirror you can see the camera display so you know what the picture will look like before you take it. Saves a lot of deleting and retakes. I wanted to take a look at the sore spot to see what I could see, and monitor the progress. So now I have not only ONE up close hairy lip up the nose picture of the inside of my mouth, but a collection. Nigel Barker I am not. Eating has been difficult, since it hurts to swallow. Because it hurts I have been avoiding it, and my throat has gotten dry and now THAT is sore. My glands are also swollen, which could be from about anything at this point. I got a little worried, and went to the doctor. He said it could be a lot of things. A canker sore in an unusual spot. A strep infection. An allergic reaction. A side effect to my meds. A vitamin deficiency. Since I take vitamins, we ruled that out. He took a swab to rule out strep, but we won't get the results until at least Friday. And let me tell you, when he touched the roof of my mouth with that thing, I nearly hit the ceiling! My eyes were watering, it was horrible. When soft cotton feels like a red hot blade, you know something bad is going on! He doesn't think any of my meds are causing this, but with my history of skin allergies he thinks it is most likely an allergic reaction. He sprayed some chloriseptic on it (the stuff for sore throats that tastes like the dentist office smells) and I got to enjoy pain free bliss. For a whole five minutes. Then the pain came back. He checked my ears and found them red and irritated but not infected, which bolsters the idea it is an allergic reaction. Since I am going for blood tests in a week anyway, he gave me a sheet to add to my normal lineup of poking and prodding. Hopefully we will figure this out, and in the meantime I am gargling salt water and spritzing the roof of my mouth with stuff every two hours. That is when I am not looking at extreme close ups of my hairy lip and up my nose. Want to see something sad and funny? Me and DD looking at the pictures and laughing our arses off (my laughter a little more like a nervous breakdown, hers pure mirth). Then DD said the words that like to kilt me. "Do me now". No I will NOT post the picture of the inside of my mouth. Writing about painted toes earned me a link on a fetish site, I don't even want to think what posting an open mouth would cause. Ick, ew ew ew.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

I don't remember why-but I have looked at the roof of my mouth. Take a small mirror (about 3" across) with a handle and tilt it in your mouth while facing the bathroom mirror. Get close to it and you can see everything just fine.