Friday, March 02, 2007

We just can't have nice things

That is a joke, between DH and I. It is from a Jeff Foxworthy comedy act. When we break something crappy or something cheap stops working, one of us will exclaim that, and we will both laugh fit to bust. Because we are simple, okay? It doesn't matter why, we just find it funny. Never mind I have more redneck in my family than Clifford the Big Red Dog. DH doesn't have redneck. He has county hick. There is a difference, but just barely. I have an uncle that until just a few years ago, had a dirt floor in the kitchen. That was so he could slaughter deer in there, and just throw more dirt and lime over the mess. Delightful. He has sinced moved into a real house with a roof and everything and lives in the city. I am not sure who is having the most trouble adjusting, he or his neighbours. It seems though, that this "can't have nice things" rule extends over to people as well. We don't have a lot of "real" friends. Oh, we have hundreds of imaginary friends - waving madly at the KT! - but not many real live, habitate in this city and can see all the time friends. We have friends of the family that are not really OUR friends but friends by association. I have a brother and sisters and cousins and their wives and children and so on. But not unconnected people that know us for us and not for everybody else. And that is fine, but sometimes it would be nice to have people to do things with that want you for you, you know what I mean? In the past, attempts at this have not ended well. There was the time we were invited to a dinner party that turned into an orgy. Talk about a shock! We went out to have a cigarette and when we came back it was to a sea of naked people. Then there was the concert in Detroit we were invited to, and I didn't even make it to the border. In fact, I didn't even make it into the van, as when the door opened smoke billowed out like a scene from Cheech and Chong. No way was I getting in there, and crossing the border no less! There are the poeple we knew from high school that have kids of their own, who ask for money at every turn. The last time we spoke to them they were asking for money to circumsize their son. Um, sorry, ya gotta pay for that yourself. Another couple is nice and everything and we get along, but they want to party every night of the week and stay out to all hours. I want to go to dinner or see a movie, not disco till we drop. Many times if we meet a couple and I really get along with the female, DH has nothing in common with the male. Or if they get along really great, I can't stand to be with her for even a minute. There was a promising group once, but after a few parties I came to realize that they were making fun of DH. Asking him questions about complicated things so they could laugh at his answers. That is just not right. Finding "couple" friends is hard for a lot of people, I hear, so I wasn't so worried about it. But it seems I can't have personal friends either. DD has been playing with certain girl and her older sister. They come here, or DD goes there. The mother and I had a lot in common and saw each other at events for other kids and so on. We have met for coffee, and more than a few time while our kids are at brownies we have gone for coffee, shopping, whatever. We even talked about taking the kids on vacation together, to a place where our husbands didn't seem interested in going. Earlier in the week, DD went and played there. I had her call to make sure they were ready, and I dropped her off. Picked her up 1.5 hours later, cheerful goodbyes etc. and all was fine. Last night when I picked DD up at brownies, the woman came up to me and got all agitated, saying that day DD talked so loud in the phone that it blew her daughters eardrum, and now she has an ear infection and a fever and needs drops and medicine. My daughter can't play with her kids anymore and she wants me to pay for the medicine. Now, I was standing right there when DD made that call, and I can guarantee you that she did not scream into the phone. In fact, I could hear the person on the other end of the line asking her to speak up - talking loudly enough that I could hear THEM from a few feet away. If anybody was talking loud it was her own daughter, and not mine. Words were exchanged. It was not pretty. I told her I heard the call and DD did not scream, and anyway if her daughter was in that much pain why did they still let DD come over? Why did they extend the visit from an hour (our usual) to an hour and a half? Why didn't they say something when I picked up my child, that there was a problem? She got angry and said "didn't you notice my daughter was in my arms and upset when you left?". Well, no. She was smiling and laughing with DD while she put her boots on, and frankly, the child is a suck. Every time I see them she is whining and crawling all over her mother. Plus she has said many times herself that her daughter is prone to earaches and eats antibiotics like candy. Seems to me, the last I heard from the medical community, ear infections are caused by bacteria and viruses - not loud noises. I asked, was it not possible, since her daughter had the sniffles for over a week, that her ear was already infected and happened to perf while she had the phone to her ear? Either way, why mention it days later when I see her twice a day every day when we bring/get the kids from school. Why all of a sudden tonight is it DD's fault and they can't play anymore, when just that morning she asked if I could bring her DD to a party they were invited to this week-end? By then I had DD's coat on and we were on our way out the door. She called something after me, I don't know what, but my answer was putting up my hand in a stop gesture, and saying "Look, you are clearly mentally ill. And trust me, I know mental illness when I see it. I don't know what kind of voices you are hearing in your head, but don't try to blame anything on my child. And as for paying for medicine, your co-pay couldn't have been more than a dollar fifty. Grow up". Then I spent the night seething about it. Sigh.


Anonymous said...

Just another classic case of "If something goes wrong -- it certainly cannot be my fault because I am perfect -- therefore, it must be someone elses' fault -- since you are the nearest other person -- it can only be your fault. Because it Cannot be my fault!"

JenTX said...

What?!? That woman is just plain crazy! You had me LOL at the "I know mental illness when I see it"! She's just absurd. It's a shame that now her DD won't be allowed to play with your DD. The kids won't understand. Although maybe they've been through this before and already recognize that their mom is nutty. *sigh* The young learn this stuff way too fast.

But I do know what you're talking about with the friends. My DH and I don't have any couple friends that we go do things with. Actually, DH doesn't have any friends period. (I'm the social butterfly!) LOL My "best" friends seem to be my "imaginery" ones! Maybe because we get to know them very well through the forum and then when we meet, we already know each other. No dancing around trying to figure each other out.

Anyway, I know I very much enjoyed meeting you and your DH when you came to Texas. **waving back**!

Anonymous said...

Good grief.
And to do that in front of the kids?!?!?!?!

Poor Lil Dances.
Is she okay with this abrupt and rude send off? I hope your assessment of mental illness is correct as it seems only someone truly unbalanced would do this to not only a 'friend' but their own kid.

We don't have couple friends either. We used to try to go places with other couples and, well, we just don't like being tied down to other folks and their wishes.

I said it.
I'm selfish but I can't help it.

When I spend the bucks to go on a REAL trip I want to be able to go and do what I want and the only person I want to confer with is the guy who is legally obligated to me.
Him he'll get over it if I don't want to shop all day instead of exploring the surrounding areas. And if he doesn't it'll be very expensive to get rid of me. And this standing there for fifteen minutes doing the 'what do you want to do?'; 'or I don't know. What do YOU want to do?' only to say 'I'm going to do THIS' then have the other party pout all day because that's not what they want to do.

There are few people I truly trust in this world and some days I'm not even on the short list.
I have many acquaintances and some old friends but no 'coffee-do-lunch-go-shopping-plan-a-trip
with-someone friends. I find them too clingy and they? Well they find me too bossy.

But for the most part, I'm sorry for you little girl. Playdates are important to little girls and being friends is too. She'll make others, I'm sure but dang! What a stupid reason to terminate a
friendship over!

Lori the anonymous

gardengrl from the cf said...

I hear you regarding making "grown-up" friends. My soon-to-be DH and I are in our lates 30s, early 40s (I'm 36 and he's 43), with no kids. We both have advanced degrees, both work full time, and both have busy, eclectic lives.

Everyone we know has kids, so it's hard for us to make a connection, or like you they range from one exteme to the other - either complete party hounds or social duds.

The Cookbook Junkie said...

I feel sorry for that poor girl - how many other friends will her mother drive away?

Again you're describing my life with DH. You two are our Canadian counterparts. Although DH has friends. If he meets a guy who hunts, he's on them like white on rice. He's constantly on the phone like a teenage girl.

I had some friends but DH's jealously made it impossible to enjoy them anymore. Frankly, I don't even have enough energy to keep up with family right now.