Friday, April 20, 2007

The knitter myth

People have a false notion that knitters are quiet, timid people that sit and rock and knit, all gently and elderly like. At the very least, we are quiet and mousy, hiding behind our spectacles and diligently clicking and clacking our way to the end of a tea cozy. Since learning to knit I myself have discovered my inner sociopath. I am not above threatening somebody that I will poke them with a needle if they bother me or cross me in any way. In fact, I have been known to do just that if DH irks me. Sure, I don't poke him hard enough to leave a mark, but still. I have stopped knitting long enough to poke DD with the free needle and say "Go get ready for bed, you". Now, I don't HURT her but boy does that tick her off ROFL. I have even been known to poke Ruby as well (purely accidental. You take your chances sitting on the lap of a person knitting with four needles, all with points on each end). I was knitting in a local fast food joint while DD played, and a boy about the same age approached and started asking me questions about what I was doing. Then he asked "What will happen if I pull one of those out?", while pointing to a DPN holding 1/3 the stitches for a sock. I smiled nice and wide, and answered "Why, I would take one of the OTHER needles and poke you with it!". Got rid of him right quick ;). I was giggling to myself when I noticed DH giving me a look, and I said "What?!?! I was just kidding". But we all know, I would have done it. BWA HA HAAAA! I have heard people say that knitting in public is an anti-social thing to do. The fiber equivalent of putting on headphones while somebody is talking to you. It is a billboard saying "Don't talk to me, I don't want to be here, I am bored and need something to do". Now, that is pure nonsense. Because I can tell you first hand, it is IMPOSSIBLE to knit in public and be left alone. Everybody and their brother cross the room to make "funny" comments (which usually are NOT funny and NOT original, BTW), or ask questions. Usually a demand to know what you are making. Sometimes I tell them, sometimes I make something up. For example, if I am working on a sweater body I might say "A sock". Or if I am working on a sock, my response is "I would tell you, but it's a bit x-rated and I embarass easily". One time I was working on a washcloth and I had a woman convinced it was one half of a bikini top. For myself. Then I pulled out the lumpy beginning of some i-cord and a bit of spare yarn and said "I've already finished the bottoms". Her face said it all, and I found it hilarious. I could see her picturing me in such a bikini, and looking rather revolted actually. Because I have an odd sense of humour, I found this funny rather than offensive. I did let her off the hook, and came clean (har har, get it? Washcloth? Come clean? Ahhhh yeah). My all time favourite, was claiming to be working on a "willie warmer" for my DH and I hope to goodness it is big enough because I am running out of yarn. I was ACTUALLY working on a bright pink tubular scarf that called for a strand of yarn along with a strand of fun fur. The poor lady looked as though she wasn't sure if she should blush, leave, pass out, or hang around to see the man that would wear such a warmer ;). And believe it or not, it is VERY unusual for me to use a word like "willie" in mixed company, which made it even funnier if you ask me. I finally did explain it was a scarf, but by then her sense of humour had kind of run out. The illusion of mild mannered knitters sitting at home, in a rocking chair next to a fire with a cat on their lap? Sure, it would be nice. But more likely we are the ones laughing loudly, poking people with our needles, shoving each other out of the way at yarn sales, and flashing tattoos of yarn balls and needles and flames and stuff. We felt ourselves skully purses out of pink and black yarn, every item we own is cosied (but in a cool way), and even THINK about bashing our yarn stash and you are taking your life into your own hands. We are knitters. Hear us roar!


Anonymous said...

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(Price is in US$)


Anonymous said...

Hilarious, love your writing style, it sure keeps me in stitches,lol.