Thursday, April 19, 2007

Let's talk poop

I am a member of knitty board - the conversation side ofthe e-zine "Knitty". A while back I followed a link to a blog, and immediately added it to my favourites. "Ask Poops Please" is funny and witty and I have come to learn that knitters are some of the funniest people out there. Plus, she sent me YARN! That is right. I won a contest on her site and she sent me a skein of "Noro" Silk Garden. Now, Noro is an animal I have heard of, but never seen in person. I can't buy it locally (that I know of) and I have learned to covet it. Along with the coveted yarn, she sent a pattern for a knitted cowl that takes - you guessed it - one skein of Noro Silk Garden yarn! She is so good to us LOL. And she didn't even complain when she found out the shipping would be INTERNATIONAL. Such a sweetie. When I start something (the cowl? Or maybe something else?) I will put up a picture but right at the moment I am too darn lazy to get the camera and pose the yarn and *deep sigh* stuff. Links AND pictures on the same day? Don't think so. I have started on the second pedicure sock. It calls for casting onto a larger needle (or two needles together) to get a nice loose edge, but truth be told that in itself was keeping me from starting. The cast on is fine, but the first round is a pain in the ass because the loops are too large for the smaller needles (you cast on to a larger needle then transfer the stitches across three smaller DPNs) and if you don't hold ALL THREE NEEDLES they slip right out. AARGH. Want to hear me say some extremely bad language? I mean shockingly rude? Make a sailor blush? That first round will do it. And seeing is it is in K1 P1 ribbing, it makes it that much worse because you move around more, making it harder to keep holding all three needles. And yes, I am a whiner. Speaking of whiners. Now, far be it for me to criticize another human being. And reality shows aren't exactly fine art. And I know that editing allows them to portray whatever charicature of a person they want, regardless of what the person is really like. I am a loyal addicted watcher of America's Next Top Model. I don't know why, I just am. I am also shamelessly addicted to Project Catwalk, Project Runway, Survivor, Hell's Kitchen, Pussy Cat Dolls, and Top Chef. Train wrecks, all of them and I cannot look away. I typically try to refrain from the daily reality tv star bashing that goes on over the internet. After all, these are real human beings with feelings and families, and who we see on the screen is not who they ARE. Mean comments are hurtful. But I have to say one thing. BRIT. STOP. WHINING. An excuse for anything and everything. Her hair hurt. She was in a car accident as a kid and has no short term memory. Every week, even when she does well there is another excuse anyway. It has come to the point that when somebody gives me an excuse, I do a Brit impression. While sobbing and whining I will say "It's not my fault. My hair? It was hurting? And the sun got in my eyes. And seven years ago I stubbed my toe-SNORK *wipes snot with arm* - and one time, at band camp......" - which invariably starts my DH in a laughing fit. She wants to be a model, yet makes no attempt to so much as brush her hair before the judgings - even now that the "tracks" are out. Saying you couldn't model because you were distracted by your hair - to a woman who probably had fake hair sewn onto her head since she was a toddler - and you aren't going to get much sympathy. When she explained about her accident, you could see it in Jay's face too - "Oh. Just another excuse for a poor performance". If you suffer from short term memory loss, there are ways to get around it. Tricks to help you learn things or retain things. After five years, she should know SOME of these tricks. She should have asked the person holding the cue cards to move behind the camera so she could look at them without having to avert her eyes or turn her head. And why look UPWARDS like you are trying to remember? DON'T try to remember, the cards are there to use so use them. I won't get into Jael (whom I love love love and she looks like a model when she is just standing there, but the minute a camera is brought out she goes down hill). If there are things you need to do your job, it is your responsibility to make sure they are carried out. Standing here and whining like you are entitled is not the way to win. Oh, and Natasha? One more shriek, scream, or squeal and I am going to kick you. Squealing and jumping up and down when you don't even know what you are screaming about? For 12 year olds darling. Meow. ;)

1 comment:

Poops said...

Oh, you're sweet! Most days I don't feel all that witty at all!

My email addy, since you were wondering, should be listed as a link under my complete profile. I think. Shoot, now I have to go check! No, I'm pretty sure it's there.

Oh, and you're quite welcome! So glad you did the happy dance!