Friday, August 10, 2007
It was too funny.
Usually I go to bad after DH is already asleep. Partly because I think my tossing and turning keeps him awake, and partly because I need a bit of "quiet time" by myself before I go to bed. Ruby comes to bed when I do. Every night I put her on the bed, and she either tramples up to and plops down on my pillow or grabs her bear and goes to the bottom of the bed (where my lower body is supposed to be). She sucks on the bear's nose, kneads it's body with her paws, sighs deeply, and drifts off to sleep. Eventually she will wake up then trample across me to my pillow and plop down, then sleep the rest of the night there. Very rarely does she even acknowledge that DH is there. Last night, for some unknown reason, when I put her on the bed she made a beeline right to DH's face and STUCK HER TONGUE IN HIS MOUTH. His nose was stuffy so he was sleeping with his mouth gaping open - the better to snore AND breathe my dear - and apparently the temptation was too hard for her to pass by. He made an odd snorting sound, then became completely awake with the realization of what just happened. Ruby looked quite pleased with herself and licked his face a few more times before he could defend himself, then trotted over to my pillow. DH began spitting and fuming "YOUR dog just put her tongue in my MOUTH!". I held off the giggle for as long as I could, but let's face it. It was fun-ny. I got the "it is NOT funny" lecture, but after about five minutes of it I pretended to be asleep. Men have no sense of humour. Ruby is an endless source of hilarity if you ask me. Even when it is offensive it is funny. Like when I brush my teeth and use mouthwash, she insists on sniffing my breath then gags loudly ROFL. How rude! It can't look good when a stinky pug finds my minty fresh breath more offensive than she can handle. I have to be careful not to let her into the bathroom with me, or else it becomes a tug of war for my underwear. At the very least she comes up from underneath and tries to wear it as a hat. She tries to do this with me every time but she has been caught trying to convince visitors to let her in there. I always have to warn them. She can't stand when you smooth something out on the floor. Rolling sleeping bags, folding the picnic basket, wrapping presents, trying to read the paper, blocking knitting. She thinks it is her duty to get a wild hair and rumple whatever it is. Then she will run around and do "drive by rumplings" while pug running through the room. When DH put up the pool he spent an hour trying to lay out the ground sheet because the wind kept blowing it. He finally got it just right when Ruby decided she could just not have that at all and did her rumple tricks. DH was not amused. But then, he rarely is when it comes to things like that. She excels at such things as burping on the phone when I am on a business call, farting loudly when we have company, spinning to scratch the butt she cannot reach otherwise, and giving a good snot right into people's faces. She also likes to sneeze on feet and lick toes. All the better if the person screams and squeals and tries to hide their feet. Strangers wearing flip flops with painted toes are her passion. She is excellent at sticking her tongue if your nose or in your belly button when you least expect it, and when she wants attention she GETS it. Those eyes, those EYES! Many a dog hater was won over by those bulgey little eyes. They start off wrinkling their nose at her - disapproving of her stinkiness and wetness and roundness. Before long they are laughing as she climbs all over them, snotting and kissing, and leaving a pile of hair in her wake. And I smile and say "You have been PUGGED". Which I didn't say to DH last night because he would not have found it funny. But don't worry, I gave Ruby a pat and a scritch and told her it was TOO funny. Then she stuck her tongue up my nose.