Thursday, September 20, 2007

One small thing

A few weeks ago DH went to MIL's house to trim her bushes and mow the lawn. He brought DD along to visit and play with the dog. She kept asking to go home, but DH thought she was just bored and let her stay out with him collecting branches and stuff. Hey, not everybody is in the mood to visit and seeing as who they were visiting....I didn't blame her ;). That night she wanted to read in bed so had her pillows upright. I noticed the next morning she had slept that way, only sort of slumped over. Then again the next night. Even when I made sure her pillows were flat, I would go in her room in the morning to find them upright and her body slumped over. She claimed she was comfortable that way, but I had the feeling she wasn't sleeping well because no matter how early she turned it, she was still very tired the next morning. Today she is home because she is not feeling well (sniffly cold, sinus, that sort of thing but no fever). She was eating her soup and I was sitting with her going over some pages of code (looking for a deviant bracket. Don't ask). She non-challantly asked if I thought her Papa would have still died even if he hadn't gone to lie down. I said of course honey. He would have died even if he was standing up. Why? She said "no reason". Then it hit me. I asked her if she was afraid to lie flat because she thinks that is why Papa died. She started to cry and said MIL told her that if only she hadn't let him lie down, he wouldn't have died and that he only died because he was flat. For cripes sake. She was only in that house for five minutes. Talk about a poisoned environment. I understand that the grieving process is different for everybody, but why does that woman have to drag this up every time she sees DD or talks to her on the phone? Doesn't she get that DD doesn't want to be around her and I won't let her spend time there because of it? I mean, I've told her flat out. "Talking about how FIL died upsets DD. You can talk about him, and she knows he is in heaven, but she doesn't like to hear about how he gurgled and convulsed and needed mouth to mouth. It scares her. She is too young for that kind of knowledge". MIL was hurt that I would "accuse" her of saying such things. Clearly she can't tell the truth about anything to save her life. It is so funny how a small event in our childhoods can seem to change us forever. DH had ear surgery as a baby and they had to make sure it was kept dry until the incision healed. Somehow that translated to MIL and FIL as FOREVER and made him paranoid his entire life about water. He could barely take a shower without having a panic attack if his face got wet. He now understands he no longer needs to be scared to get water in his ears, but his fear of water is still strong. He is working on it. I guess that isn't a small thing, but still. When we were kids the movie Aliens was on whatever passed for cable at the time (On? It? Was it already HBO?). We were NOT allowed to watch it as it was too scary for us chickens. Remember, we are the kids that refused to swim, bathe, or use the toilet alone after seeing JAWs. We managed to see up to the scene where the alien pops out of the man's chest. That was enough for us! A while later we were at a mexican restaurant - a relatively new idea at that time. We were talking about that scene and for the life of me, the toppings on my taco looked just like the guts. Talk about lost appetite. It was a long time before I could look a taco in the eye and eat it. Years later (I mean c'mon, I was married LOL) the movie was the subject of conversation while we were at a chinese food restaurant. I happened to be eating my eggroll at the time. Needless to say I cannot eat eggrolls anymore. At least not the bean sprout kind. The cabbage kind is fine. Sorry. Those stringy crunchy shrivelled bean sprouts look rather like intestines. There. Now YOU won't eat them either ;). Again when I was younger, my cousins told me that if you went into a beer store, you would be arrested and put in jail and forced to drink beer. I believed it, because that is what their MOTHER said and their MOTHER would not lie. Of course I learned the truth eventually. But can I confess that I am still uneasy about beer stores and feel like I am going to get into trouble even though I have been of legal drinking age for a little while *cough*. I still have that picture in my mind of a big man with sweaty armpits forcing little children to drink bitter beer, pouring it down their throats out of those short-nosed brown bottles. DD now understands that she CAN lie flat to sleep, so hopefully she will get a good rest and be ready for school tomorrow. Sigh.

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