Friday, August 10, 2007

It was too funny.

Usually I go to bad after DH is already asleep. Partly because I think my tossing and turning keeps him awake, and partly because I need a bit of "quiet time" by myself before I go to bed. Ruby comes to bed when I do. Every night I put her on the bed, and she either tramples up to and plops down on my pillow or grabs her bear and goes to the bottom of the bed (where my lower body is supposed to be). She sucks on the bear's nose, kneads it's body with her paws, sighs deeply, and drifts off to sleep. Eventually she will wake up then trample across me to my pillow and plop down, then sleep the rest of the night there. Very rarely does she even acknowledge that DH is there. Last night, for some unknown reason, when I put her on the bed she made a beeline right to DH's face and STUCK HER TONGUE IN HIS MOUTH. His nose was stuffy so he was sleeping with his mouth gaping open - the better to snore AND breathe my dear - and apparently the temptation was too hard for her to pass by. He made an odd snorting sound, then became completely awake with the realization of what just happened. Ruby looked quite pleased with herself and licked his face a few more times before he could defend himself, then trotted over to my pillow. DH began spitting and fuming "YOUR dog just put her tongue in my MOUTH!". I held off the giggle for as long as I could, but let's face it. It was fun-ny. I got the "it is NOT funny" lecture, but after about five minutes of it I pretended to be asleep. Men have no sense of humour. Ruby is an endless source of hilarity if you ask me. Even when it is offensive it is funny. Like when I brush my teeth and use mouthwash, she insists on sniffing my breath then gags loudly ROFL. How rude! It can't look good when a stinky pug finds my minty fresh breath more offensive than she can handle. I have to be careful not to let her into the bathroom with me, or else it becomes a tug of war for my underwear. At the very least she comes up from underneath and tries to wear it as a hat. She tries to do this with me every time but she has been caught trying to convince visitors to let her in there. I always have to warn them. She can't stand when you smooth something out on the floor. Rolling sleeping bags, folding the picnic basket, wrapping presents, trying to read the paper, blocking knitting. She thinks it is her duty to get a wild hair and rumple whatever it is. Then she will run around and do "drive by rumplings" while pug running through the room. When DH put up the pool he spent an hour trying to lay out the ground sheet because the wind kept blowing it. He finally got it just right when Ruby decided she could just not have that at all and did her rumple tricks. DH was not amused. But then, he rarely is when it comes to things like that. She excels at such things as burping on the phone when I am on a business call, farting loudly when we have company, spinning to scratch the butt she cannot reach otherwise, and giving a good snot right into people's faces. She also likes to sneeze on feet and lick toes. All the better if the person screams and squeals and tries to hide their feet. Strangers wearing flip flops with painted toes are her passion. She is excellent at sticking her tongue if your nose or in your belly button when you least expect it, and when she wants attention she GETS it. Those eyes, those EYES! Many a dog hater was won over by those bulgey little eyes. They start off wrinkling their nose at her - disapproving of her stinkiness and wetness and roundness. Before long they are laughing as she climbs all over them, snotting and kissing, and leaving a pile of hair in her wake. And I smile and say "You have been PUGGED". Which I didn't say to DH last night because he would not have found it funny. But don't worry, I gave Ruby a pat and a scritch and told her it was TOO funny. Then she stuck her tongue up my nose.

Thursday, August 09, 2007


OMG. We finally got our satellite back. Our receiver died TEN DAYS AGO. Now, when I am faced with being unable to watch tv, I shrug my shoulders and pick up a book or my knitting. Frankly, being able to sit on a cushier seat in the livingroom makes me happy anyhow. But having to deal with DH and DD for ten days without TV? Disregard the two holes in the garden. I guess I won't be needing them. YET. Saved by the bell indeed. (Snort snort. Bell expressvu. Hidden joke. I crack myself up). Between whining about having nothing to watch (we have two DVD players, a VCR, and over 800 movies - and I am not exagerating - and they have nothing to watch? Harumph) and us not having anything to eat (we will not mention the snacking and my attitude towards it when they have no input when it is time to shop) and not having anything to DO (our house is a landfill. It is disgusting. The kitchen floor is so gross I can't cook anymore and the bathroom is a hazardous waste pit. There is unfolded laundry everywhere waiting to go home and a stinky hamster cage fermenting, and when all else fails how about dealing with the pug holding a very wet squirrel toy in her mouth and bullying me for playtime). DH is on afternoons, which means I get to hear them whine all day long. And I was only joking about the holes in the garden, because the weeds are up to my armpits and between the bindweed and a melon plant gone wild you can't get to dirt in there if you wanted to. The two that SWORE they would take care of the garden and have been faced with hours of empty time have not touched a single leaf in there. I wade in occasionally to rescue a tomato or thump a melon but that is about as much as I can manage. Now mind you, none of this will change now that the TV is back. They will still whine that there is nothing ON. But perhaps I can get one or two days of a satellite entranced family so I can get some work done. I have lots of programming to do and have gotten lots done, but still a fair bit to go before next week and I want to really wow the person this is for. Go out with a bang, so to speak LOL. I was given some chapters money to use online as a thank you gift. I carefully chose three books. The newest Yarn Harlot, The Man Who Ate Everything (Steingarten, a regular judge on Iron Chef America), and a book that I thought had a certain pattern I wanted. I was looking for the Baby Surprise sweater pattern written by Elizabeth Zimmerman and had understood it to be in her Knitters Almanac. It is not. That ticks me off to no end. Now, to be sure there are merits to the book and other patterns. But I wanted THAT pattern. So now I have had to order it as a pamphlet and pay more after shipping and stuff than I paid for the entire book in the first place. Ask me how happy I am about THAT. And who knows how long it will take to get here. Between working and knitting I have been sleeping a lot. Two of my meds can make a person drowsy, but I am drop dead sleepy. If I lean for too long I drift off LOL. When I wake up I don't feel any more refreshed. You know, it's almost like that part of my brain that used to rev up when it was quiet and not let me sleep has finally gone quiet. Too quiet. And now my brain wants to catch up on 30 years of missing slumber. Ruby has resorted to pawing me in the face and pulling my hair to wake me up. She has the roughest paws known to man. I mean SCRATCHY like sandpaper. I have tried to put cream on them. I barely survived. She can have scratchy paws if she wants. I am currently knitting myself the Boobalicious tank top from a book called Big Girl Knits. I am liking the process so far, but I really do hope that it fits because using the yarn called for in the book means it is costing me $110.00. For a tank top. Never mind the labour to make it and hand wash it and dry it flat after it is done. If I really do like the fit and the pattern I can then go ahead and make it in a like but cheaper yarn, but for a first try I want to see how it works up. Already I am wondering if I could manage to rewrite the pattern for the bottom section to be done in the round, to save some purling time. There is a lot of seed stitch as well, but I like the texture so far. Between this and the wrap that called for every second row to be purled I should be purling like a champ after all this practice. Or crippled - whichever comes first. Dh is going to be ticked off, but I am getting DD Taco Bell for dinner. She had pizza yesterday (she had a friend over for dinner, a movie and swimming) and McDonald's the day before. Yes, I know it is crap but she doesn't eat the MOST craptastic stuff there and she doesn't drink soda so at least there is that. Though I have made dinner for DH to take to work (or parts for him to put together) that is in the afternoon and I don't feel like cooking again for just DD. I myself have been very content to eat cereal for dinner. So far I've had cheerios, corn flakes, and shredded wheat (alas, no frosting LOL). Tonight I will splurge and have Fiber 1 flakes. How sad is it that a cereal called "Fiber 1" is a splurge. Deliver me.