Friday, September 07, 2007

I'm freakin' out man, freaking OUT!

So today I went to PetSmart to get Hamster food and bird food because we needed it and I had a coupon thingy for 5.00 off a 10.00 purchase. I also needed to make Ruby's next appointment for her spa treatments. While I was there I realized I had ALREADY bought bird food and the hamster food alone would not bring me over 10.00. By sheer coincidence, I had been thinking about getting another snail or two for the tank. Sure, when the snails get older they do nothing to keep the tank clean but while they are small they do a very good job. DH convinced me to get a rock shrimp and a snail rather than two snails. I figured why the heck not, even though secretly I am afraid of that shrimp. Okay not so secret seeing as you all know I am sort of scared of the snails and have my suspicions about Cedric (the murderous goldfish). The fish lady (fish person?) put a piece of paper towelling in the bag with the shrimp and snail. When queried about it, she responded "It's something for the shrimp to hang onto. They are happier when they can hold onto something" A horrid thought occurred to me that involved me transferring said shrimp to the tank and it scuttling up and onto my finger and hanging on, and a lot of screaming and stuff. I put it out of my mind and tried to start breathing again. We got home, I floated the bag in the tank blah blah blah then decided it was time to transfer the new arrivals to their "forever" home. You will be glad to know that the shrimp tried no shenanigans and we all managed the transfer unscathed and screamless. Until a few moments ago. I peeked around the tank to see how the newcomers are coming along and all that. The snail is careening around the glass as expected, and the shrimp seems to have completely disappeared. Now, this shrimp is too big to eat (to big for CEDRIC to eat I should say) and we were told they are not into hiding under rocks or digging themselves under the gravel. So where could it have gone? My mind fabricated a pretty clear picture of the thing scuttling up the dip tube and out the small hole in the lid where the cords and stuff come out. I stifled a small shriek, then flapped my hands like a birdie and fought the urge to run around in circles. Now, I know the chances the thing got out are slim. And even if it did, it is not like it could HURT me. Yet at the same time, the thought that this thing could be clinging to be somewhere while I am oblivious is too horrifying to deal with without strong drugs or copious amounts of dark chocolate. A few minutes of "square breathing" (Dr. Joy Brown) and I was able to stop the hand flapping and general heeby-jeeby actions. I screwed up my courage, and took a good long look in the tank. And by golly, if that thing wasn't just sitting there on the rock. And frankly, the heebie-jeebies are back full force. I didn't really LOOK at this thing before be bought it. I mean, I know what a shrimp looks like, right? Apparently not. I now have what looks like a big old bug scrabbling around in there. *shudder* How does one name a shrimp, anyhow? Maybe DD will come up with a good name. On the brighter side, now that he have a crustacean again (remember princess the potato bug?) it gets me off the hook for our zoo and I don't even have to entertain the idea of a reptile.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Old lady?!?!?

My darling delightful piece-of-angel-food-cake daughter has taken to calling her father and I "the old man and the old lady". As in "Hurry up old man" and "the mean old lady won't let me get any toys". Then she laughs her little arse off. Now. I get indignant, insisting that 34 was NOT old by any means.

Then my darling sweet-as-a-cupcake husband corrected me. It seems that I am 35. THIRTY FIVE. First of all, who does he think he is keeping track like that? And second of all, I wish people would stop reminding me of my age thank you. I don't believe there is such a thing as "old". Age shouldn't be a barrier to anything you want to do. True, sometimes there are physical barriers that happen to be more likely after a certain amount of mileage, but if you CAN do something you should do it, and happily so regardless of what the calendar says.

Having said that, why insist that it is no big deal that I am 35 while making such a big deal making sure I know it? That doesn't make sense. Don't tease me about it then say it shouldn't matter to me, because obviously it should if one feels the need to constantly point it out. No, I don't think I am missing out on opportunities, it's just that I guess I always picture myself at being a certain age and stage and it shocks me a bit when that crashes into the reality.

DD is very good at picking up on what issues give me the most angst. She tells me I have a huge behind. She calls me old. She tells me my clothes are ugly. She insists my shirts smell like pickles, that I have coffee breath, and my hair smells like barf. All the while laughing fit to bust. Even if we don't find her funny, she sure thinks herself quite an amusement. Sigh. They grow so fast.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Bride of the frankenstein

Last night I had a dream that somebody hit me in the neck with a sledgehammer. We were sitting on a train, and the train lurched, and somebody came from behind and hit me. I wasn't even upset about it at the time and I cannot tell you what we were doing on a train. I woke up this morning with a kink in my neck. In the soft part between the neck and shoulder. I cannot turn my head or look up or look down. If I want to look at something I have to turn my whole upper body, which my husband and daughter seem to think is hilarious. Ruby has taken advantage of this vulnerability a few times by trying to put her tongue up my nose and snotting right in my face with full force since I can't turn away. Since the day is already miserable I figure I might as well go get my blood tests today. I am hoping the wait isn't too long because I can't go until 11:00am and my stomach is already grumbling. A person like me is rarely ever actually HUNGRY, but on days when I get my blood tested my stomach growls like a bear and I get sweaty and nauseous and feel like poopy. Why not add a kinked neck on top LOL? Once I get back I will spend some quality time with my heating pad rice pack and the motrin. No muscle relaxants becase they make me mean. I am talking mean like a rabid dog. Any slight noise (talking, the tv, dog snorts, cat burps) makes me snap. They work well, I just wish I didn't turn into a maniac when I take them. Too bad. Off I go to heat up the rice pad and wait for 11:00am. While I am doing that, talk amongst yourselves and pass around some nibblies. Have a coffee or two. We'll have a better visit tomorrow. 'Kay?

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Doing the happy Tuesday dance!

Well, a certain little thing has gone to school today. Her first day at a new school. I am doing the happy going to school dance, but in a muted style because I can't believe my daughter is in grade 3. GRADE THREE. With her new school dress on, I swear she looks like a teenager. She wore her backpack and carried her lunch like such a big girl. Sigh. What happened to the little baby we used to wrap in a blanket and call "Peanut". Sigh again. As I sit and ponder this, I realize I can't hear anything. No, I have not gone deaf. It is QUIET here! The tv is not on, there is no dance mix cd running in the radio, no background buzz from ipod earphones. Nobody playing computer games behind me or flinging barbies around the room. And not a single person has come and stood nose to nose with me and shrieked "I AM BORED. I AM HUNGRY". Tee hee! Before I get too excited I have to keep reminding myself that DH is home and the tv will come on any moment. But for now, I am enjoying this blessed silence. Ruby is upstairs so not even a dog-nose whistle. Ahhhhhhhh.