Monday, June 23, 2008

Dear Ovaries (look away, this is your warning now)

Dear Left Ovary. Hello. How are you. Actually, I know how you are for you have been expressing your displeasure for a couple of days now. I am not sure what I did to anger you exactly, but rest assured your objections have been noted. It is no longer necessary to perform the rhumba on my innards. And that throbbing? Enough of that, 'kay? Attacking me at a moment when I have no voice left and a sore throat just adds to the affront. Now. Perhaps I should have mentioned this before, but it is really not necessary to remind me that you are cystic every month. Can we have a rupture free time span please? Not that I am complaining of course. But just once I would like to be safe to walk through Walmart without a cyst popping, causing blood to run down my leg and into my shoe. I am not, nor have I ever been, Niagara falls. There is no reason to flood me this way. I get the picture, I really do. Do you know how hard it is to get a four foot stain out of blue jeans? Not to mention having people stare at me. When people at Walmart on fireworks night are staring at you, you gotta know you must look awful strange or upsetting. The woman who grabbed her child to keep him safe from me - you know, the one that up until then had been running around screaming and pushing things down like a wild animal? Yeah. That was a nice touch, really. Boy, it must have confirmed that I am a weirdo when I tried to croak out the words "It is okay". I am sure it sounded more like "I am going to eat your baby", judging by how fast she beat it out of the checkout line. Then again, it did bring be closer to the cash register, so I might forgive you that one. I am sure we can come to some sort of friendly arrangment. I promise to eat more PMS chocolate and add raspberry leaf tea to my hot beverage list, if you promise to let up a little and stop ruining my jeans. And my shoes. We won't talk about the socks. Please pass the information to the friend on the right. Thank you, and have a nice day. Sincerely yours, Dances.

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