Friday, June 27, 2008

How do they do it?

I cannot, for the life of me, roll out something to be round. Square, rectangle, amorphous blob. Got those shapes down pat. But round? Forget it. So I can make flour tortillas that taste so good as to make a man weep for his dead mamasita, but they look like amoebas. I have resisted the temptation to roll them out then use a template (like a dish) and cut them out to get perfect rounds. I mean, they don't have to be perfect as long as I can still use them as a wrap. The ones that can't be used that way are eaten by tearing into bits and dipping into some tasty substance (like hummous....mmmmm!). But a roundish shape in general would be nice. For some reason the karma gods like to play with me, and only give me half of a talent. For example, I can make gravy so good you want to drink it, but my mashed potatoes suck rocks. My tortillas are light and taste like heaven, but they look like hell. My pies are picture perfect but the crust? You have better chances munching on that magazine page. Why must it be this way? Good karma, why hast thou forsaken mich? Am I not a good girl? Do I not open doors and be polite, keep my opinion of ugly babies to myself, stifle the urge to laugh out loud at the person who walks around with toilet paper on their shoe? I haven't killed anybody yet. I do not steal. I do not covet. *cough*. Okay, so sometimes I covet. But the really biggies? The stealing and murder and adultery? Yeah, I don't do those. Wait a minute. Those might be rules from a different god. Maybe that is my problem. I need to learn to get my deities straight. So summer vacation is upon us. DD has been out of school a total of two days, and already she has spent time on the floor whining that she is bored and has nothing to do and nobody to play with and blah blah blah. This does not bode well for the days to come. But since I will be working outside the home for a change and DH will be the one home to listen to that lovely diatribe on an hourly basis (instead of little old me) the thought is almost amusing. I wonder how long it will take Mr. "Day camp is a waste of money if somebody is home" to decide that shipping her off for a few hours ain't such a bad deal after all. Plus, if she isn't home she cannot add to the mess. He didn't think I sent her off so she could have FUN, did he? Today is my last day of some contract work and I have a problem I have been working on for way more time than it should be taking. Sometimes a break is the best thing for this. Step back, do something else for a bit, and wait for that a-ha moment. So I came to blog, and I am still waiting for my brain to come up with some kind of answer. I hope I am not over-estimating my brain's ability to solve problems on it's own, because lawd knows the rest of me is not being of help at this point. My feet are cold and want socks, my ears are ringing and begging me to stick an ice pick in there to unplug them for once and for all, and my stomach is screaming for lunch. I hope my brain works well under threat of mutiny. I wouldn't know for sure, because most of the time we are barely on speaking terms. The fact that I don't stop breathing once I fall asleep is about all I can be thankful for sometimes. Off to grab a handful of Triscuit Thin crisps, a few grapes, and some cottage cheese. Then back to work!

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Sinus Sludge

Sounds like the name of an alternative punk band ROFL. This cold (or whatever it is) is still kicking my butt. Now it has moved pretty fully up into my sinuses and my ears. Nothing is "green" so no medicine for infections, but for goodness sake. I am ready to shove a garden hose up my nose and flush everything out to release some of the pressure. I have been working very hard hours on the contract project and I start my new job next week after the holiday. And I have to praise DH. He is doing so well. He has been cooking dinner every night without so much as a word of input from me. Before I even realize it, it is dinner time and BING - there is dinner. He has also CLEANED. Last night he cleaned the bathroom, and did DD's room. Then he attempted the living room but I can see why that wasn't finished. There are too many things in there right now that don't have a real home yet, so there is nowhere to put them "away". Let me take this opportunity to say that I am real proud of him. He even took DD with him today to fix his mother's bathroom sink. Which, by the way, is the fix-it project that took over the world. A week of going every day to LOOK at sinks. Two days to BUY a sink (had to bring one back because a piece was broken). Another three days of taking the old sink apart and finding worse and worse problems with the plumbing. I will be glad when this is done, because she calls a million times per day about the darn thing. Today DD is going to be his helper and hand him tools and hold the flashlight. In a bathroom smaller than most closets. With a MIL and a 110 pound doberman sticking their noses in as well. It should be fun (ROFLMAO). Good luck to them. I have big plans for this week-end. Finish planting the garden (I know I know), finish making a planter for the front (I know I know), and finally getting this house clean and clutter free. We are taking NO prisoners this time. We will have to post a warning on the door "Don't stand still too long or you might be thrown out, sold, or donated" - tee hee! This house has to get in shape for when I start work, and I plan on having somebody come in every two weeks to clean. If that is not keeping it up, every week then. Dusting, vacuuming, floors, bathroom. If there is time, stove or fridge. That should do it. Wish me luck. Well, enough of a break. I've got programming to do. Have a great day!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Sparkle's Big Adventure

DD had a nightmare and woke me about 3:45am. I brought her back to bed, got her all tucked in, and was walking out when I noticed the top to the hamster cage was open. No sign of Sparkle inside the cage, nor on the dresser. I even checked inside the food bag LOL. Trying to remember the last time you saw your daughters hamster after being awoken suddenly at 3:45am is hard enough. Add cold medicine, plugged ears, and a flaming throat to that. I didn't want DD to freak out, she loves that hamster with all her heart. But, there ARE two cats in this house. They don't bother with her in the cage or when we have her out, but who knows what they would do with it wandering around the house by itself in the dark. I did a quick check of the bathroom and living room areas. Then I got a flashlight and was about to check DD's room when she said she heard some rustling behind her bed. I moved a toy and turned on the flashlight, and who should I see scrambling to me? SPARKLE! Safe and sound and pretty glad to see us. She came right out and climbed into my hand. We often wondered what would happen if she ever got "lost", and I guess now we know! I am glad she stayed in DD's room though. It would be like searching for a needle in a haystack to find a hamster in this messy house. DD was overjoyed to get her back. The first thing she did this morning when her alarm went off was check on the hamster LOL. DH and Ruby slept through the entire thing. We could hear them snorning in unision from across the hall. DD said "Don't they know it is an EMERGENCY?!?!?". Apparently not LOL. Once I got her settled and back to bed, I went back to bed and woke Ruby up by accident. She looked a little confused. She sat up, stretched, yawned, did her nyup nyup nyup, then just sat on the pillow and stared at me. No Ruby, it is not time to get up. That is why it is dark. Go back to sleep. She did eventually but I kept wanting to giggle because she sat there for so long just looking around, like she couldn't get back to sleep and was bored. I could see her blinking in the darkness and it cracked me up. Then my sister called and told me she spent the night in the hospital with kidney stones. I wish she wouldn't have so much trouble with those! She's had enough happen to her without that. There must have been a disturbance in the force last night, causing all this ruckus. I have work to do, but I just wanted to share Sparkle's big adventure. I wonder how she got that door open, and if she can do it again. It's a pretty good fall from the top of the dresser to the floor. I don't want her to get hurt. We'll have to keep an eye on that. I have to admit it is possible that she was taken out of the cage from the top and put back in the bottom, leaving the top open by accident - that has happened before but we always caught it before she got out. I wonder though. Why do these things always happen in the middle of the night? Interesting.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Dear Ovaries (look away, this is your warning now)

Dear Left Ovary. Hello. How are you. Actually, I know how you are for you have been expressing your displeasure for a couple of days now. I am not sure what I did to anger you exactly, but rest assured your objections have been noted. It is no longer necessary to perform the rhumba on my innards. And that throbbing? Enough of that, 'kay? Attacking me at a moment when I have no voice left and a sore throat just adds to the affront. Now. Perhaps I should have mentioned this before, but it is really not necessary to remind me that you are cystic every month. Can we have a rupture free time span please? Not that I am complaining of course. But just once I would like to be safe to walk through Walmart without a cyst popping, causing blood to run down my leg and into my shoe. I am not, nor have I ever been, Niagara falls. There is no reason to flood me this way. I get the picture, I really do. Do you know how hard it is to get a four foot stain out of blue jeans? Not to mention having people stare at me. When people at Walmart on fireworks night are staring at you, you gotta know you must look awful strange or upsetting. The woman who grabbed her child to keep him safe from me - you know, the one that up until then had been running around screaming and pushing things down like a wild animal? Yeah. That was a nice touch, really. Boy, it must have confirmed that I am a weirdo when I tried to croak out the words "It is okay". I am sure it sounded more like "I am going to eat your baby", judging by how fast she beat it out of the checkout line. Then again, it did bring be closer to the cash register, so I might forgive you that one. I am sure we can come to some sort of friendly arrangment. I promise to eat more PMS chocolate and add raspberry leaf tea to my hot beverage list, if you promise to let up a little and stop ruining my jeans. And my shoes. We won't talk about the socks. Please pass the information to the friend on the right. Thank you, and have a nice day. Sincerely yours, Dances.

Pauvre Doodle

Poor Ruby. First she has to share her weekend with a visitor who won't let her have her own bear. Now, we are having a rather loud electrical storm. And she is not liking this interruption from her afternoon one little bit. She wants me to take a nap with her (don't ask me how I know. A mother knows) but I have computer work to do and cannot. Plus I am sick and coughing (a croupy cough. Thanks DD!) and she doesn't like that coughing one bit. She looks all worried at me, and does her nervous snort. Maybe she thinks I am barking at her ROFL. So yesterday we were driving home after dinner out, and DD said something. I don't even remember what it was. DH was unnerved by it, and tried to give a reply (he wasn't mad, he was being fake upset) and mixed up some words. And it was very funny. So we all had a laughing fit. A few minutes later he looks at me and says STOP IT. I said what? Stop saying IT (the words he mixed up). I said I am not saying anything. His reply? "Well you are making me think it". I stared at him for a full minute like he should be wearing a foil hat, and answered "Well I'll just go ahead and stop doing that then". This prompted another laughing fit so bad he almost hit the curb while making a turn. He had to pull over into a parking lot so we could all calm down a little bit and stop laughing. Then later he asked DD "What did you do with that pop tart you ate?". She stared at him like she didn't know how to answer that question, then finally said "I, um, digested it". Another laughing fit. He told us to stop making him laugh, we told him to stop saying such silly things. About five minutes later, he was kneeling on the floor trying to get a shoe that was pushed partway under the chair. He was talking to me, and went to lean on a cardboard box to help him get up from that position. A flimsy cardboard box. Balanced on the very end of DD's skateboard. On a smooth floor. It did not turn out well for him ROFL. He was not hurt, but I nearly croaked because I couldn't get a breath in, I was laughing so hard. That prompted a coughing fit, and I coughed until I gagged. DH faked indignity and said "I am glad you find me so amusing". DD and I are glad we do too ;)